No Way in Hell
by Kody Wright
Summary: Tony Stark and Steve Rodgers are invited to tour the SGC. Sam is annoyed by Stark and Daniel wants Rodgers to be on SG-1. Set in season 8 sg-1 and after last Avenger movie. T for swearing.
1. Chapter 1

X-over between SG-1 and Avengers, Iron Man and Captain America.

No Way In Hell

**SGC/ Carter's Office**

Tony Stark and Captain Steven Rodgers were invited to Stargate Command for a tour after the glorious defeat of Loki…Avenger's Loki! Needless to say it was quite a surprise to find the name of Asgard applied to more than species.

Billionaire playboy, Tony Stark found a new prize to be won, a new mountain to climb and new floe to defeat…One Lt. Colonel Samantha Carter. She was just his type. Pepper? Pepper who? All thoughts of the billionaire's girlfriend vanished from his one track mind upon meeting Samantha Carter…The only other person on the face of the planet who was even as remotely as smart as he.

Sam assumed the television portrayed Tony Stark in a negative light and that no man could be that arrogant and be a 'good guy.' Was she ever mistaken.

"No way in hell," she bluntly told him after a numerous passes. "There is no way in hell I am going out with you, leave the SGC for you or sleep with you, Mr. Stark."

Tony stood before her in Sam's office. He wore his casual blue suit and was neatly groomed. The billionaire found Sam Carter very amusing.

He held up a finger, "When you say 'No way in hell' do you mean that figuratively? Because, you know…"

Her mouth dropped as he stood before with absolute no intentions of leaving her alone, she stood her ground, "Both!"

"I'll pay you a six figure salary," he attempted to get her to work for Stark Industries.

"No," she bluntly replied arms cross as well as expression.

He puckered in thought, "Whole sixth floor…Candy Land for scientist. You can run the whole thing."

"No," she flatly replied.

"I will double your vacation time," he offered trying to figure out what made Sam tick.

"No," she remained steadfast.

Stark opened the shirt collar to reveal the reactor, "Unlimited access to this."

She pondered the aspect of the Stark Reactor. The SGC could certainly use the power. Her hesitation betrayed her.

He knew he was on the right track, "Oh…You like?"

She grew mad, "Just shut up!"

**Daniel's Office**

Daniel had the task of escorting Captain Rodgers about the base. For Daniel meeting Captain America in person was a great opportunity. He found that he and the Captain had much in common and they got along well.

Steve Rodgers rather enjoyed the tour and meeting SG-1. He was also intrigued by the Gate itself and really would like one trip through even as a tourist.

Daniel found Steve to be a quick learner and picked up on his work rather quickly. He had been busy showing Steve the Ancient tablets in his office.

"See, Captain…The Ancients used a dialect that is rooted in math," he began.

Steve nodded, "I see the pattern," he looked at Daniel, "I must say Dr. Jackson…You have got a nice little set up here."

Daniel agreed, "It's not much but it works," he then added, "You can call me Daniel."

"Steve," he stuck out his hand; his blond hair brushed aside wearing his brown leather jacket. Dressed as a civilian he found he missed wearing a uniform and being something other than an Avenger.

Daniel shook his hand with a firm grasp, "Wow, I actually got to meet the real Captain America." He laughed to himself, "When I was a little boy I would sneak a comic book past my parents and read about you. That was my childhood escape, my parents were archeologist and I was dragged all over the world and home schooled."

"Sounds like you had an interesting childhood, Daniel," agreed Steve. "I tell you one thing though. When I read the report on the Gate and was invited to see it firsthand…I felt like a school boy. Wow, I can't believe you go off world and meet people from other planets."

"Really?" asked Daniel, "Because we have an opening on SG-1. Jack got promoted and we are running one man short. I'm sure Sam would love to have you with us."

Steve pondered the idea, "Me…On SG-1. That would be…"

"Cool," stated Daniel.

Jack O'Neill stood in the door way listening, his mind screamed, "_No way in hell_." He cleared his throat.

"Daniel…Captain…Meeting in the briefing room in fifteen," he remained as steady as possible.

Daniel looked at Jack, "I think we just found your replacement for SG-1."

Jack remained emotionless, "That's something to discuss at a later time." He gave a nod and started towards Carter's office to check on his favorite scientist. He grumbled to himself, "No way in hell is that happening! Rodgers and Daniel on the same team together? My god, geek galore!" He stood just outside Carter's office and listened.

**Carter's Office**

Stark asked, "Am I turning you on?"

"Get out," demanded Sam.

Jack covered his mouth trying not to laugh as he silently eavesdropped.

"Come on," started Stark. "You cannot possibly be all work and no play. What do you do for fun? Play with shiny glowing things?"

"For your information, Mr. Stark, I spend my free time at a cabin fishing."

Tony's face went blank, "Seriously? You catch anything?"

Sam rolled her eyes and sighed, "No, there is no fish in the pond."

Tony blinked, "You, the hottest female scientist I have ever seen in my life, you spend your free time fishing in a fishless pond? Um, why?"

She explained, "It's not the fishing…It's spending time with the people who matter most to me. Daniel and Teal'c go to the General's cabin too."

Tony caught on quick, "Oh, so it's the General? Really? That old coot? You and him?"

"It's not like that," she snorted. "And he's not an old coot. You have got to be the most arrogant, narcissist, self-centered individual that I have ever met."

Tony grinned, "So…I am turning you on?"

Before Sam could answer Jack knocked on her door, "Meeting in ten minutes, Carter." He looked at Tony Stark and then at one very flustered colonel, "You okay?"

"Fine sir," she replied.

"Hunky dory," grinned Tony.

Jack gave a nod, "Carry on." He started down the hall when Tony Stark came running up behind him.

"Sir," he called out.

Jack stopped and waited, "Yes."

Tony came face-to-face with him, "I understand you have an opening for SG-1."

He nodded, "We do."

"I would like to volunteer…I can bring the suit…That would be a heck of a tactical advantage."

Jack had to agree Tony's invention would help, "That it would. But I'm not too sure you would fit in. Colonel Carter is in charge of SG-1 and you would be taking orders from her."

Tony assured, "I can take orders for her. Heck, I took orders from Captain Spandex when Loki invaded. I really want to meet one of the gray Asgard. Is your Thor anything like our Thor?"

"Um," Jack pondered. "Actually…No…But your Thor would fit nicely on SG-1."

"Seriously?" asked Tony.

"Umm," Jack nodded. "I would back off Carter if I were you. She might shoot ya."

Tony agreed, "Yeah, but damn she's hot." He looked at Jack's expressionless face. "Tell me it's a father/daughter thing you got going."

Jack remained silent.

Tony waved his finger, "Shame on you…You old man. I'll steal her from ya."

Jack remained silent.

Tony admitted, "I gotta a snowball's chance in hell with her…Don't I?"

Jack nodded.

"Ah, fuck," stated Tony.

Jack calmly walked away thinking to himself, "If I put that lose cannon on SG-1 that would piss off Daniel for sure."


	2. Chapter 2

_Note: Not sure how many updates I will do for this story…It's kind of just off the top of my head. Had a request for more so…Here it is._

No Way in Hell

Part 2

**SGC Briefing Room**

Jack sent Captain Rodgers and Tony Stark to the commissary so he could have a moment alone with SG-1. Teal'c who had no idea what had transpired sat at the table with his oversize coffee cup wondering just what all the fuss was about. He sat silently listening to the conversation around him.

Daniel looked directly across to Sam and spouted off his idea, "How about we ask Captain Rodgers to join SG-1?"

Sam suddenly melted at the suggestion, "He would fit perfectly."

Jack gave a cockeyed look; Carter's expression was most alarming for the man. She melted, actually melted in expression and posture. How could Carter melt? No way in hell could she just melt at the notion of Captain America being on SG-1.

Daniel eagerly agreed, "The guy would be perfect. He's smart, has a history of overcoming tremendous challenges, innovating…"

Sam added, "An officer and gentleman. He would follow orders and could give orders. You know…He could really use a promotion."

Jack rested his chin on the palm of his hand; he looked at Sam, "Promotion Carter?"

"Yes of course," she argued. "Steve still has the same rank he was given in World War Two…He's earned a promotion...Major maybe?"

Jack rolled his eyes, "Major America? Just doesn't have the same ring to it."

Daniel countered, "He doesn't have to be 'Captain America' anymore. He can be Major Steven Rodgers…Newest member of SG-1." He looked to Teal'c for support, "What do you think, Teal'c?"

Teal'c cautiously replied, "I have no opinion on the matter."

Jack shrugged, "Good, cause Tony Stark volunteered to join and bring his suit."

Daniel gaped, "No way in hell, Jack."

Sam's mouth dropped, "You're not seriously considering that, sir."

Teal'c cocked and eyebrow.

"I told him I would discuss it with you guys. He would have to follow orders from Carter and I wasn't sure if he could do that. He assured me he could."

Sam held up her hands, "If you put that man on SG-1, I swear I will quit!"

"So will I," informed Daniel. "Stark? Are you insane, Jack? Rodgers is a far better fit. He's got brains…"

Jack intercepted, "Stark has a brain too, Daniel."

"But Rodgers is not crazy," replied Daniel. "Stark? That man is a loose cannon."

Sam added, "Do you have any idea how many times he hit on me today? He makes Rodney McKay look like an altar boy."

Jack asked casually, "What did he offer you?"

Sam admitted, "Double my salary and vacation time plus full access to the Stark Reactor."

Jack asked, "And you turned that down?"

She puckered at the confession, "I seriously did think about getting access to the reactor. But that man is chauvinistic pig. Captain Rodgers is far better suited for SG-1. He is smart, follows orders, a solider, very handsome…"

"Handsome?" asked Jack.

Sam slunk her shoulders, "Well, he is."

Jack asked, "Stark's not?"

"His attitude trumps any physical attributes," informed Sam.

Daniel added, "I'm just picturing Stark off world with us. Can you imagine what kind of trouble that guy will stir up?"

Jack smirked, "I would like to see the look on the Goa'uld's face when Stark shows up in that suit playing rock and roll…Then launches all those mini missiles at him."

Sam placed her head in her hands, "Wouldn't it be easier to just get the suit and use it as SGC equipment?"

Daniel suggested, "Put Rodgers in Stark's suit and we got a weapon."

"No way in hell will Stark go for that, Daniel," stated Sam. "He wouldn't let us use the suit without him in it…I guarantee it."

"True," agreed Daniel. He looked at Jack and crossed his arms, "We want Rodgers."

Jack moaned, "Do you have any idea what it would be like to have him on the team?"

Daniel shrugged, "I don't see an issue."

Jack exhaled, "It would be like having two of you, Daniel."

Sam nodded, "I could go for that."

Jack shook his head, "I can't."

Sam asked, "Well, why not?"

Jack placed his chin in his hand again, "Because…It would be like two of him."

Daniel wasn't amused however Teal'c sat most amused. He silently sipped his coffee hoping that SG-1 would remain unchanged.

**Commissary**

Tony Stark stood behind Steve Rodgers in line to get something to eat. Tony looked over the selection, his eyes landed on the shear amount of blue gelatin.

"What's with all the blue Jell-o?" he asked.

Rodgers shrugged, "Not sure…I guess they ran out of everything else."

"Kind of weird," stated Tony.

They took their trays to a table and sat down. Toney looked at his friend, "Well, what ya think of this place?"

"Reminds me of some of the bases I served at during the war," admitted Rodgers.

"I volunteered to go off world with SG-1 in the suit," admitted Stark.

Rodgers opened his milk and sniffed it, "And they said?"

"Old man would think about it," stated Tony rather depressed.

Rodgers chuckled, "Don't be fooled by the 'old man.' Dim-wits don't become generals. He's smarter than he is letting on. He's doing a very old trick; let your enemy think you are stupid, then the enemy become over confident and lets his guard down, exposing their weakness."

"Yeah, kind of figured he was smarter than he looks," admitted Stark. "I think Major Carter and him are an item."

Steve paused, "Well, that would be a shame…I kind of like Major Carter. She's very pretty."

"She's hot," stated Stark. "I offered her everything under the sun…She turned me down flat."

Rodgers looked upon him, "For a man as smart as you…You certainly are stupid sometimes, Stark."

Stark asked, "What do you mean?"

"Do you know anything about women? She's a solider, a patriot, a professional and she is not doing her job for the money…Trust me…They are not paying her enough for what she does." Rodgers found the situation amusing, "Besides, what would Pepper think?"

Tony went blank, "You won't tell her about this?"

Steve pondered, "I won't mention it…Providing I get a trip through the gate before you do?"

Tony looked at his friend in disgust, "You're sneakier than I thought, Rodgers."

He shrugged, "I picked it up from you."


End file.
